yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
