You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
