i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
