If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
