I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
