Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dicks are not precious.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
