can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
