ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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