it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
