Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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