theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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