what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
