my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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