we have officially lost it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
