her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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