I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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