I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
