Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
