Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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