and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
