I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
