did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
