Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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