well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
