I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
