I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
