he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
