At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
