11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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