this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
