then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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