Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
