Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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