I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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