How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
