Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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