Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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