if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need water and some morals
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
