I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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