I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
