Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
soo... how was my night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
