I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
