obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
