you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
