im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
