If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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