i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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