if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
