hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
