she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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