8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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